After 1000 Broken Vows
After 1000 broken vows
We will rise again. I promise.
Surrendering to the mystery
of knowing or not knowing.
We finally understand
that we will not do everything
we say we will.
This confession should feel like a relief.
We have transcended getting it right
when we finally get it that we won’t.
We can finally let ourselves off
our own meat hooks
when we finally know that integrity
comes and goes. And we just have to keep trying.
And we begin to understand
that perfection is illusively granted
and highly over-rated.
When we realize one fine day
that in the night our truths lined up single file
and went out for a midnight spree
and didn’t come home and we wake up
Then it is time to begin again.
To invent oneself anew.
To forgive ourselves and others
and to take the armor of the heart OFF.
And Breathe. Better that the heart
be broken 1000 times than never open all.
After all the promises and all the dreams broken
open by love and effort and fervent passion –
we have many tools to choose from.
We have perspective. Experience. Humility
and longing. Oh that relentless longing.
And when those who are called to serve
break 1000 pencil tips on 1000 almost futures
finally realize we will not be able to save the world.
We wake up. And keep waking up
to what needs to be done.
But just imagine what it would be like
if the hopeless dreamers stopped dreaming of peace?
The world might stop spinning.
It isn’t that I thought I would save it.
My job is to wipe the fevered brows of our restless creative musings,
not demolish the hospitals that house our sicknesses.
Though I do dream of revolution for breakfast.
Don’t you know – we each who move in light
must also walk the dark valleys to wake up
to brightness again? It is all right to touch the strings
of disillusionment and pluck them until a pure
note comes out even if your fingers bleed.
And this is my truth:
That I have no idea what is
going on. Nor do I claim to.
I only know that we must create and keep on creating.
That we must court our muse.
Whatever it is that is happening in our world, I do know what Rumi knew:
This is not a caravan of despair.
Before the mending with red thread and Mary’s needle – first the tearing.
And the breaking open.
Vow 1001 – I have been waiting for you.
Shiloh Sophia McCloud ©2010
I have now written 300 posts. This will be my last official post. I have loved Our Lady of the Red Thread and now it is a time for a switching over of the watch…we will be moving over to Red Madonna Radio. Will let you know when that is truly ready.
Thank you for journeying with me…I hope you will continue.
With all my heart and all the hope I can possibly imagine. With my tears in my throat I cross the threshold, this moment into VOW 1001: I CHOOSE LOVE.
Posting this right now is my vow. My ritual to say to you – to God and the world – the rest will be the best. This blog has seen me through the darkest and lightest of my 41 years on this green planet. I have learned from you and from Our Lady who I am and what my work is in the world at a whole new level.
In Gratitude I bow to you.