Would you like to read the note I wrote to my future lover, and husband before I ever met him? Here it is…
A Note to My Future Lover
I don’t want to live a life
without you looking at me in awe.
Without me looking at you and marveling
at the freckle where God kissed your cheek.
I don’t want to live each day
without you noticing the curl
that has escaped my braids.
I don’t want to live a life, without me,
seeing you across a table
and wondering just who you really are.
I don’t want to spend my days
not seeing your fragile power
as your magic.
Without me feeding you chocolate
on a hot day. I want to live in splendor.
In fire. In water. In hearth.
In winged air.
I want to breathe possibility.
I want to see the color yellow,
truly, each time and point it out to you.
You will have already noticed it.
I want your breath to remind me
of God breathing us from soil into light.
I want to take vibrancy in
as medicine for the spirit.
I want the soul’s organs to spin brightly
with aliveness and adventure.
I want to tell stories to you.
I want you to feed your stories to me
like hot plums.
Sometimes I want it sweet,
I want to lie beneath fronded branches,
noticing the dappled light
making patterns on your skin.
I want to make altars everywhere I go
and include things from your pockets.
Lint. A coin. Some matches. A rosary.
A tiny love note. A small white stone.
Anything will do,
so long as it has belonged to you.
Every day is sacred if we choose for it to be.
I don’t want to be asleep.
I don’t want to miss anything.
And I want to have as many kisses
as I feel like having. Okay?
I want to know what you want. Truly.
This is what is important to me.
Do you think I am asking too much?
At least if I know what I want
my longing will not go unexpressed.
I want a lover who will glow in the dark
so I can find my way to you.
I am calling you now.
I feel you near.
Can you hear me?
From Tea with the Midnight Muse
Poetry Book By Shiloh Sophia
A few wedding pictures are at the bottom….
I send you greetings at the Red Thread Cafe from the beach! This weekend my love Jonathan and I celebrate 4 years as a married couple. I wanted to share a little bit of that with all of you. This photo above was taken during our visit to the Guadalupe on the hill where she appeared to Jaun Diego, a moment captured by friend and fellow traveller Valerie Kravette.
What I want to tell you about this poem above, is that I wrote it a few months before meeting Jonathan, as a call to him. I met him in January 2012.
Then in January 2013 one year later, he came for a second date with a borrowed suitcase and a tuxedo. I greeted him at the train station with yellow roses (not knowing it was his favorite or remembering the poem). That night I read him the poem. He had brought me the Illuminated Rumi, not knowing it was my GO TO book and I had lent it out to a friend, so was lost from my copy. (Poetry knits lovers together) And I knew. I had called him and he had come. (I know this doesn’t always work, my beautiful sovereign friends, but sometimes it does, so it may be worth a try if you are seeking). The story of why there is a year between first and second dates is a story for another day…
Further, we were meant for one another, and yes we met online. Yes. We did. The cosmos actually works over the web-i-verse at times, if we show up. I am hesitant at times to suggest going online to find your love, but it worked for us. I know it can feel scary and we may even feel unlovable and like no one wants us. Jonathan, and I, both felt that way, in our own way. And we also both called out into the universe…for our person. Anyway. So I leave you with this.
When I wrote the poem I opened to the quantum possibility that my person was THERE and if it was possible for them to follow the red thread to me, bring them. I opened myself to this ENERGY and the flirty essence in my soul and hips was set to ON. My heart was set to seeking and I FELT THE FEELING of him coming. I didn’t have to conjure it, I really did feel he was on his way.
I will not be trite and say you can have whatever you want because I know based on my life time of watching, that not everyone gets what they want. Yet, I did. To let that go unsaid is a crime. Just because someone else didn’t. So there it is. Dreams can and do come true. They look different than we thought. We were both married longgggg time to other loves. But still, we found each other through all the chaos of life and love.
I called my love and he came. We are blessed beyond measure. We get along. We are having the best LOVING of our lives in every way. Is it risky, of course. Is it worth it, of course. Not long into the relationship we had a HUGE HICCUP and it almost ended. I will never forget speaking to my mother Caron, the wise poet, about whether or not I should keep trying. She said:
“If you break up now, you will never know and your hearts will be broken. Since your hearts are breaking now anyway, why not try now? You are already in it. If you don’t love him with the love you know how to give, you will also, never know. You can’t withhold love until you find out if he is the one. Love doesn’t work if you withhold to wait and see. You have to give it all to him and in that, he may become the one. Your love will create the space for him to become more of who he is for you and with you.”
My husband is a dreamer, a poet, a tech guy, an incredible chef and makes me laugh every day. Over the years we have also begun to teach together. This year we have together served over 300 through PRISM and APOTHECARY, both courses that Jonathan conceived. He brings the science and the quantum magic insight into Intentional Creativity. He also suffers my inquiries early in the morning during Red Thread Cafe like – “My love, in E=Mc2, what is the equals sign? What does it really means? It can’t be inconsequential – we are always focusing on what is on either side…”
Thanks mom. Thank you Great Lady and my Creator. Thank you, Jonathan for being my love. Happy 4th Anniversary! Not only that, he, by his own choice, even after trying to dissuade him, chose to take our family name so we could be in harmony. Signed in rose petals and ocean air, Mrs. McCloud
p.s. perhaps it is time for you to write a note to your future lover? or if you have one, how about your current lover? red hearts sent through the cosmos to your door…
Cosmic Cowgirls ~ 75 Fremont Drive, Sonoma, California 95476
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May LOVE be at the CENTER of all CHOICES