If you want the moon…
do not hide at night.
If you want a rose…
do not run
from the thorns
If you want love…
do not hide
Six years ago today I said “I Do” to this incredible and inspiring man. A poet, a chef, a photographer, a teacher, philosopher, and the big crush of my Muse. I am in love. Every day I cannot wait to be with him…
Red Thread Letter #813
Honoring my wedding day + thoughts as a woman in love
Today is my wedding anniversary – 6 years with my husband, my man, my partner in LOVE and business, Jonathan McCloud.
We met on Match ya’ll, so don’t you ever give up on love!
I thought the best of my life was behind me, but, it was in front of me and still is. In fact, it’s today – my best life, with him.
We both had long marriages with people we loved very much and were both heart-broken, as anyone is after years with someone you had hoped to be with for the long haul. We came together broken and healed each other.
I am often asked for love advice, but I doubt anything I have to say is applicable as we are all so different. But here is what is present for me today…as a woman in love…I guess I have a few things to share with the idea that LOVE is what so many of us are seeking.
Those of you who think you need to have your stuff in a pile before you meet love, you don’t. You just need someone willing to do the work at hand of mending. And do your part not to get your mess all over them. You can keep your secrets, and let them have theirs when love is later in life.
In our marriage, every so often we reveal something new, a story we haven’t told before. Sometimes people think being in integrity in a new relationship means telling all your stuff, but that is just storytelling your version of your past, so you can shape yourself in their minds. Strangely, we often tell our worst, almost as a warning – “see I am damaged goods” – and while that may be your truth, that may not be the hottest chili in the mix. Keep your intrigue dear ones. Let your Muse flirt her way into connection instead of your victim secure your position. There is time to tell more – only show a little fishnet stocking at a time, not the whole leg.
Integrity in new love, when you are older, may mean innovating on what you reveal so that the new container for love stays whole, instead of filling it with holes, in case something goes wrong. Whole and complete does not mean sharing your entire mess at once, but building something new, a little at a time, and managing your hot mess as you go. Keep the space and the spice.
And finally, about trust. Women often think men should just walk into their lives trustworthy. As if they are somehow “all that” already. What if the trust is something woven, something you make together? If someone has never experienced being trusted or trusting, they may have a challenge being trustworthy. And chances are, they like you, have done things to break trust. Trustworthy may happen in a container of wholeness you build together over years, instead of something they just ‘bring in’.
There is ALWAYS risk with love – trying to get too comfortable is rarely the solution. Instead, keep the Muse engaged, and in that energy of creation and celebration, trust is created in a very different way than having to prove yourself. Love supports you both in becoming whole.
My mom told me to give Jonathan all of my love without reserve, otherwise, I would never know who he can be, or how my love can shape him, and how his love can shape me. And so I did, and he did. I almost didn’t, because as a Veteran and a 50-year-old man, there was a lot to navigate. If someone doesn’t have a lot to navigate at 50 maybe they haven’t lived enough! Can we celebrate even that which is notorious about us? I think so. And as for me, he had to navigate bringing a few thousand women along for the ride, and the Black Madonna and a business dedicated to the feminine. This could be a big ‘no thank you’ for many a dude.
We had to choose each other and keep choosing every day. If you are in a relationship and you haven’t told them you choose them today – go for it. They might need to hear those words. And if you don’t feel that way today, then there is some stuff to reflect on.
Jonathan is one of the most uncommon people most of us ever meet. He is a surprise. I have learned to love this about him. He is his own man, as any man with a strong woman will need to be. And our trust has grown and is one of the rarest experiences I have ever had. I feel unconditional love with him and this is so good. Raised with beautiful love from my mom and Sue, and my two Grandmothers, I have a desire to be loved in a big way. Who doesn’t right? We all want big love.
We spend time together every day. So dear ones, spend time together every single day – no matter what you have to do to make it happen – at least one hour getting to know each other anew. Don’t let weeks or months go by without getting to see each other’s eyes close up. This is our ‘cafe’ time when we read, study, listen to music, write, watch cool videos and talk. We do it every day. Share the topic choices. Learn to be interested in what they are, just because they are.
I share this because I love love. And because I am so grateful to share another year with this man. We met in 2012, married in 2014. Ah, love!!
Our present for today is that we will both be giving each other a book that has been dedicated to the other person. Both drafts are done today….his is about me and mine is about the Muse. This all flows together in love.
If you wish to celebrate with us, leave a comment on my Artist FB page. We are away for a couple days so I will see them upon my return.
Here is a photo of the two of us in New Orleans back in 2019 – right before we taught Apothecary together. How I love that we enjoy traveling and teaching together!
I also wanted to share these photos that are special to me from my wedding day. You hear a lot about my two mothers, Sue and Caron, yet the truth is I had three parents, all mystics, eccentrics and original thinkers. Yes, there was a father in the mix! His name is Gregory Scott Davis.
I wasn’t raised with him, but have had a chance to know him through the years. His family was Russian Orthodox, came from Russia over 110+ years ago now, to Pennsylvania, and founded a church there.
He came to my birth to meet me, then I didn’t see him for years, then years again. I remember meeting him, I guess I was about 4 then, with Sue and my mom and my cousin Bridget – and them saying – this is your father – and I was like Oh! Okay! It was a different time. I remember it very clearly as a strange event, and that he brought me a record player, red and white, so he brought music to my own room. He showed up unannounced.
It has been like that the whole time, off and on, but none the less there is a kinship. One day I told him, he was like a ‘saint gone wrong’ and he just looked at me – and he said ‘Shi, how did you know?” A very soft heart, in a hard world, that he soon refused. He became an outlaw in his early twenties and headed for the hills. Last I heard, he is still up there :-)
When I came onto the scene, my mom was 32 and he was 21, and they were living in West Marin if that tells you anything interesting. She said he was the kindest soul she had ever met, and never once spoke poorly of him or asked him for anything for us. She was making her own way in the world, her way, that’s my mom.
Sue was the one with us throughout the pregnancy and early childhood. Sue and my dad had known each other years before Sue and my Grandmother had met. My Grandmother Helen was working at the College of Marin, and she let Sue enroll for years in the pottery/clay department – even though she was only supposed to do one. She credited my Grandmother for years of studio time to develop her work. So we were all connected. Sue met my Grandmother Helen years before my father ever met my mother. And so it goes…
My deepest connection to my father’s side of my family as I was growing up was through my Grandmother Helen, whom I called Grandma Davis. I met her one day in a grocery store when I was also about 4. Yep. She gave my babysitter her phone number and from then on I was in her life and I was very close with her and she was my favorite person. She treated me in a way that was so unique as if I was cherished beyond measure. I will remember that feeling all of my life, the kind of love she gave.
Grandma Davis was one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met and I am grateful for her, more than words can say. And grateful she gave birth to the man who would be my father, Greg. When I talk to him, he says he prays for me every day. It is a good feeling to imagine that.
Blessings to each of you and your love.
p.s. I also recommend the book, She Comes First.