I forgive myself for not living the life I thought I would.
I forgive myself for not always being able to hear my own heart.
In between gulps of air I sip cups full of white flower clouds in white teacups.
I honor myself for risking no matter what the fears were.
I honor myself for giving my all, even when all I got did not feel like enough.
In between pressure cracks I sidestep volcanic lava in high healed cowgirl boots.
I grieve the days I lost by being too idealistic and not savvy enough.
I grieve the time I spent pursuing principle while losing precious ground.
In between the chorus of nay-sayers I continue to chant & rant yes-saying.
I lament the times I allowed harm to myself and others knowing or unknowingly.
I lament the times I could have chosen a clearer path but didn’t. Just didn’t.
In between the tears in my fabric Our Lady weaves a cloak of red threads for me.
Don’t worry. Being blue is allowing oneself to reach into the murky depths.
Don’t worry. Being blue is important to anyone who is reaching for the light.
In between the hibiscus blossoms I duck into coral pinkness to breath again.
I am sorry. I hear myself say to myself. To everyone. To you. To God.
I am sorry. I tell the flowers. The ground. The seagulls bickering at my feet.
In between memorized strums from a lone guitar I cry for my lost songs.
I love you. I hear myself say to myself. To everyone. And to God.
I love you. I LOVE YOU. And even this moment of bitterness. I love it too.
In between thunder clouds, I find my footing on that wet ground and do not fall.
You. Wherever you are right now. Whoever you are right now. Don’t give up.
You. My heart extends to embrace you right this moment right now. Now.
In between the cold bowls of sorrow we will find ways to steamy love again.
Find your moving on words and join the the moving on tea party.
Keep sipping until you reach the shore of forgiveness. It is here. Right now.
In between all the burned bridges and broken hearts – I wave to you.
Calling you. Here I am! With you all the while.
God listens to our whispered prayers.
Samovar Tea Lounge – San Francisco
Dirge • a mournful song, piece of music, or poem : singers chanted dirges
[slideshow]
Anne…your words send me deep into my own heart. I am taking tea with you sister. I am praying with you right now. If tears come, cry onto your pages. Spill tea onto your brushes and paint with tea. Don’t hesitate. I am there beside you right now. We will all do this together. Yes.
love
shiloh
Sending you so much love, Sister! Wish I was having tea with you.
Patty
Shiloh, you write the prayer that I need right now. I will treasure it. I will drink my tea with it. My friends are all too busy working Real Jobs that they can’t take tea with me and pray it with me although I know that they would like to. Yes, I will paint today. I will not deny my soul the peace that comes with my water, paint, brushes and beautiful paper.
Thank you,
Anne
Reading this made me simply stop and take a deep breath. Aahhh…how I would love to just sit with you and have some tea and share in a quiet and peaceful moment. Sending love and hugs to you Shiloh.
Sister Sugar. Red Rock sounds so good. I will be bring the Veuve Cliquot.
Shiloh, I honor you and your journey. I thank you for your courage to share and be authentic in all ways. I thank you for your creativity, your heart and your life here bringing more beauty amidst the challenges. Thank you for being you. I send you love and gratitude, honor and compassion, respect and prayers for nourishment of your soul, of your life, of all parts of you open to receive. Thank you for being a sister on the path and for always sharing your gifts in words and imagery, for they heal us all.
Many blessings, much love and always gratitude,
Katherine
I know not what to say my sister. As you have shared it all and all that is in my heart of such utter mourning and am so trying to embrace it and let it go. But when? I do not know. What I do know is I long to spend some one-on-one sister to sister time. I do need you and love you with utter abundance.
Perhaps we can share some tea or Rose Petal Sangria and share some light on the DeLIGHTS of who we are and where we are going. So let’s meet at Red-Rock soon. No one else knows where to find us there.
Aho, Shiloh, Lady of the Red Thread weaving permission in to the fabric of our days.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sipping my way through this day.
Sending you love over my tea cup.
xoxoS
Thank-you for your beautiful and heartfelt words. My love to you. You are an inspiration on being true to one’s self. xo
thank you darlin’ Lady Laughs A Lot – so glad you are here in my world and that in times of need, ANGEL chocolate is available as medicine. I have this amazing writing to Our Lady of Chocolate – I am going to send it to you….
Aho to you too Suzi – sending love right back to you darlin –
Michelle – I sit with you too – right now. Sharing smiles among sisters and breathing our promises into the future.
I really needed that poem! Thank you. I love you, too. Lisa
Sounds like this writing really hit a chord for a lot of us, Shiloh.
Love you so much.
Thanks for the chat to day, and for your sharing, shining shiloh. Alas, your aisles are making way for even greater parting of these mists that just won’t stop.
These little dirges came through me a couple years ago when I could scarcely feel the tears for all the salts that came with them, stinging me so.
JUNE, 2008
You are gone from me
I remain
A radiant heart
Billowing out into the night
THIS IS A POEM OF DEATH
Kali has come
Soft, she preys upon the vestiges
Of what must come undone
Fiercely tearing open hearts
That they may come to abide nowhere
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN
Every now and again
My mind flashes to the depth and beauty of what we shared together
I am lost for words
There could never be another you – so pure and brilliant and transparent.
And then I remember
The craggy shore against which our love pounded
The fierce jests of wind we summoned
The jagged edges that we clung to
Even as they tore into our skin
Like Scavengers
And I remember that I put down my pen when I met you
Choosing instead the golden youth of your skin
Where lips, silent, kissed forth
From a mouth whencefrom words like fountains once flowed
And I remember then that were the muse you
Or this page on which I scribe
This love that yearns to express itself
Is inexhaustible
GOOD-BYE, MY LOVE
Good-bye, my love, from beneath the tree whose limbs protected us as innocence moved between us and our bodies followed beside the lapping of the Bay.
Good-bye, my love, from atop cliffs and still waters below, where the crows ate our promises whilst the waves licked us naked with laughter.
Good-bye, my love. ‘Tis been a year since our parting and you are your own now, alive in the springtime of new love.
While the season’s rains are all around me, they carry with them almost summer’s kiss.
But your purity, my love, I truly miss.
Oh Shiloh, my Dearest, I weep with you.
I am here for you always.
With much love,
Jacqueline
I raise my cup of dragon pearl tea to you dear Shiloh and send you my love! Your words bring tears of cleansing…thank you.
love, Rosemary
oh shiloh – i really don’t know what to say except thank you for sharing this. it is a wonderful gift and a way to honor all of life – the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful parts – all of it. And if we don’t honor each and every experience, we dishonor ourselves.
Shiloh, your words and your art lift, expand, and move me. Life seeps through the lines or your words, the colors in your pallette of visual heart, with an energy that I know. You and your grace-full words land on my heart and soul with a recognition of, ah, yes, sisters, born into this world to serve others through our gifts; to inspire a quorum to a higher path. You, Shiloh, participate in the retooling of our DNA as we move into a state-of-being, cradeled in love from the Divine Father and Divine Mother, participating passengers on a journey of evolvement, a finer vibration of earth. Thank you, Shiloh, for your words, art, grace, prayers, love and story. Loving spirit first, Toni
hi sweet one,
thank you for sharing both the beautiful heatfelt essay in your newsletter and this awesome poem/prayer…you fed my heart and i am sending you love-light prosperity, Nova Cy