I am going to be direct. I feel women have been asking the wrong question for at least 70 years. I say 70 years only because I know my mom, Caron also asked this question as a very young woman. It is likely much farther back than that…
Let’s take a look and see if we can find a much more enlivening inquiry to live through, shall we? And discover who is asking that question!
We have exciting upcoming events in Sonoma, Tiburon and New York – as well as online classes with renowned musician Jennifer Berezan and with our very own Mary MacDonald.
Join us for Work in Progress day in The Red Thread Cafe today, where you can share a cuppa’ tea with us and post what you are working on, painting, poem, novel, gem, class here.
Red Thread Letter #786 – The Wrong Question
The wrong question is not-surprising….drum roll, please…
“Am I good enough?”
Now the problem with this question is, there is no answer we will actually believe. There is no future in that question. Most of us will not ever arrive at a destination called ‘good enough’. Because the wrong question keeps us running all of our lives. And if you do ever get there, it is rather anticlimactic. You may find yourself saying – Have I been working on this all this time? WTF for real.
There are lots of books and classes that have women look at the agony of this inquiry and the impact it has in their lives…and even after lots of cathartic ritual and even seeing the lie and the propaganda behind what created this lie…in the end, we often feel the same. It is a tough one and one that spurs billion dollar industries.
After we have done the work to uncover our own worth, we may feel quite a bit better because now it is conscious. But we may hide our feelings more than before – not telling our other positive minded friends that in secret, we still feel like we aren’t living our self worth. Many of my best friends like Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo have spent years supporting women with this really deeply embedded shame hook through their work with the Inner Mean Girl.
Let’s admit it. This is a hard loop to break. And one of the reasons is because it is seeded into our consumer culture to make us buy stuff and keep ourselves in check. It keeps us wanting to be invisible and hide. And then if we do bust out we are ‘too much”. There is a lot invested in keeping women quiet as we know.
Now I know this isn’t everyone. And if it isn’t you then congratulations, help the rest of us out. I work with thousands of women and have my whole adult life. I am telling you almost every woman has some version of this – and she is running her life through the framework of this question.
But today’s Red Thread Letter isn’t really about changing your mind as to whether you are good enough. This invitation is about realizing (1. There are other juicier questions (2. You get to choose the questions. Sounds simple enough right? Well, it is. It starts right here. Just knowing there are other choices puts you in power.
I know it is the wrong question to be living our lives through. When we have a core question like this, and others, it impacts literally every single relationship we have. And we aren’t aware of the impact. It really is at an epidemic proportion and our young girls are living it with just as much vengeance as I did as a youth. It really is terrible that we have to deal with this false idea. But it isn’t easy to just make it go away. We have tried. That is why I am writing.
My mom had this quote in our house, in a frame. I read it all the time and fell in love with living the questions…
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Rilke
When I realized it was the wrong question I felt energy fill up my soul. If we could discover the ‘right question for us’ then the wrong question would be replaced with the right one. We live in the questions dear ones, whether we know it or not our inner voice is continually narrating inquiries through us.
When you choose to become responsible for your inner narration, you empower yourself. And it doesn’t have to take a long time. I believe this change can happen in an instant.To choose to become the ONE ASKING the QUESTIONS from within. To step into that authority and self agency. Until you do, you will always be subject to the questions others want you to ask, instead of your own core questions. Inquiries that arrive from the soul space, from the muse instead of the over-culture and the consumer driven false frame.
‘Am I good enough?’ is a question with no workable answer. The answer is “of course I am good enough” but many of us have already tried that, but it didn’t change the deep down feeling. Because you can’t just answer the question, you need to choose to become the one asking ALL the questions. Not the one reacting to the questions arising from fear and shame created by others outside of ourselves.
Regarding our worth and self expression, we need to allow the authentic inquiries to arise inside, and let the outside inquiries go…
What question might be more powerful for you to live through?
Here’s a clue, when working with the narrative within, one of the most powerful access points is to speak from soul…
Here are some ideas, and it doesn’t have to be that complicated!
What does my soul long to express?
Who is it that lives inside of this soul?
If my soul was asking the questions, instead of my fear, what would she ask?
How can I be more myself in my life? In this moment?
If I was fully expressed, how would that look in my life?
These questions are much more fascinating to our creative spirit than questions of worth. While they too have no set answer – they spark action and inform different choices. it is about what they make your brain and body DO with the inquiry, that moves the energy along to a much more dynamic place. Unanswerable questions of self worth make us freeze in place….and not choose the most delightful choice…
You may not arrive at the ideal inquiry for yourself in this moment or step into the awareness that YOU get to be the one asking the questions. But you might… and if just one of you is able to make this shift, it is worth sending this.
When I asked my mom Caron if she had struggled with feeling good enough, she said, she did, but only to a point. Then she said: I decided that I mattered. She said that one thing changed the course of her life…
As for me, I am clearly aware of the things I wish I was better at – but I don’t beat myself up about it. I work on them steadily. BUT the choices I make are from my fullness, not from my lack.
You get to choose to make choices from fullness. You could start today.
So for all of us here, may we realize that we matter. And even if we don’t feel the truth of that yet – knowing that we get to be in charge of asking the questions from within, from now on.
Within our community of Intentional Creativity®, we practice mattering and activating a new narrative from our creative practice. It is the ground for working OUT this kind of soul stuff.
Have a comment or something to share? Come on over to our private classroom.
Blessings on your day dear heart.
From my heart and hands, to your heart and hands…
Here I am yesterday with my friends and colleagues from Motherboard, Katherine Torinni, Amy Ahlers and Julie Steelman!
On behalf of Musea Collective and Shiloh Sophia, you are invited to pick up the brush this year and join us online or on-location for an Intentional Creativity® experience. Whether you consider yourself an ‘artist’ or have yet to splash fire red paint on a canvas, we are calling you into circle this year to paint and gather with women creatives in our community! We are all creative, whether we identify as a ‘creative’ or not, which is why we bring you experiences every year, inviting you into the uncharted territory of your muse to see what fresh wisdom and insight ‘the one within’ has to reveal to you at this time. If you are craving time for your own self-expression, desire connection with like-hearted women, and would like to experience Intentional Creativity® with our Founder, Shiloh Sophia, then we have some wonderful experiences planned for YOU![/one_half] [one_half_last]Upcoming MUSEA : Intentional Creativity® Events with Shiloh Sophia
2/8 She Carries Me with Jennifer Berezan – Online and Sonoma, CA
2/9 Rose & Roses Valentines Painting Party – Tiburon, CA
2/19 Red Thread Connect free community call – Online
2/23 LIBERATE free Intentional Creativity Class – Online
3/4 Dancing Entrepreneur with Mary MacDonald – Online for 2 weeks
3/7.8.9 Dancing Entrepreneur and United Nations annual trip – New York, NY
3/9 Join us for UNCSW panel (open to the public) and after party – United Nations, NY
3/20 Apothecary : Medicine Painting Course – Online for 3 weeks
And…join us for Power Creatives TV! Season 3 : SPLASH is coming this Spring!
Learn More + RSVP Here[/one_half_last]
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with gratitude along the red thread,
Musea Collective with Artist Shiloh Sophia
[one_half]She Carries Me with Jennifer Berezan and Shiloh Sophia
Saturday, February 8 Musea, Sonoma CA
Watch Online or 3 spots left to attend in person
Learn More + RSVP[/one_half] [one_half_last]Rose’ and Roses with Shiloh Sophia
Sunday, February 9 Musette, Tiburon CA
Come paint red roses and make a Valentine for Yourself or your Lover!
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Recent Red Thread Letters from Shiloh Sophia: