From the time we are little children we begin to put parts of ourselves away.
So that we don’t offend, stick out, or appear strange. Mostly this is because we fear we won’t be loved and we don’t know who we are yet since we haven’t tried it out. And, the fear is not unfounded, as many have experienced.
On into high school – for most of us it gets worse. By the time we are adults we are experienced at hiding, and get coiled up inside. Wound up. Stressed out about who we are. Often forgetting who we were or who we could be. Wrapped up in ourselves and at the same time, not being fully ourselves. Some of us promised to go get those lost parts of ourselves,
We said: I’ll be back for you….
But when? And how?
As I turned 46 in Italy, I had to reconcile the parts of myself I left behind, with new parts of myself emerging. A paradox was taking place over bowls of pasta, truffle, oilve oil and Burnello. Like 4 whiskery chin hairs. Like blisters on my feet with shoes I have worn for years. Like a new shape of my belly. Age spots (or just very large freckles). Sensitivity to clothing tags on my skin. One side of my face and eye looks different than the other side. (Am I becoming unsymmetrical?) A desire for comfort over the smashing Italian hot yellow shoes – this one makes me very sad actually. My feet don’t want to be bound up. So, fit-flops are my new friend.
Would I try to look younger, lose weight, cover it all up, pluck it out, suck it up, or would I invite all of myself to tea with DIVA X? And invite you along? The unknown part of myself that is in charge of my beauty myth, past, present and future has called a global event on July 8. When I contacted her for an interview she was at the beach drinking spritzes, but promised to meet me on July 8 when I returned home….that’s tomorrow.
And all of this started with a dream, after hanging out with Botticelli’s Venus.
She started it.
You are invited to the rest of the conversation. Partial scholarships available.
Below is my video about the class from Italy.
How will DIVA X reconcile paradox?
A Weeklong Online Painting Class Starts on Friday, July 8 with a recorded livestream you can join anytime, and watch anytime for 5 months. Partial scholarships available now.
I’m writing you on my return from a month in Europe, where I’ve been mixing business with pleasure. Traveling, teaching, resting and musing, eating while romancing and with my beloved husband, Jonathan Lewis. Here we are at the beach on the last day. Yes we ate a lot of pasta. My favorite pasta is called picci, it is usually homemade is larger and denser than the spaghetti noodle. We went everywhere in search of PICCI! Luckily since we were mostly in Tuscany, we found it!
What if our beauty myth is silently operating behind our choices for self care and self expression and we don’t even know it? We thought we had loved ourselves into acceptance but still…something stirs underneath as we watch our bodies, faces and moods, change….
I’ve been noticing that my own beliefs and stories about what “beauty” is for me, is changing rapidly. I’m also noticing as we go through our ordinary lives, that the stress, the overwhelm and the stories of where our “beauty” comes from, begin to coil and wind up, like a tightening in your stomach. We begin to coil and coil, until we are all wound up inside, like a spring ready to jump. This way of living is causing our internal systems, rhythms and cycles to go haywire. Just yesterday I noticed I was sucking in my stomach unconsciously all day – not to look skinnier mind you – but just because. Then I also noticed I was squinting – scrunching up my eyes and brows – tightening. So I stopped both. After a few times I got the hang of it. Instead of sucking it up I relaxed it. This is part of my personal campaign to claim my chin hairs as all mine. It was funny to have all this processing about chin hairs and come home to my friend Effy Wilde and other women talking chin hairs. It must be in the field.
I shall reclaim not only the lost parts of myself from the past. BUT. I shall claim the parts of myself going forward as they arise. I won’t go to sleep on them. I will include all of it into my DIVA X archetypal framework. She who claims all of it. As they say, ‘warts and all’
For this new class, starting tomorrow, Uncoiling DIVA X, I’m inviting you to join me as we explore an experience in uncoiling. Of making de-stressing strokes like what I was shown in the dream. If you don’t have a big canvas, head to the store now! Or just watch and paint later. You have the videos for 5 months.
Let’s liberate hidden stress, uncoil the stories and define what the new beauty is for YOU. Your own metamorphic muse, Diva X, lives within you, she is waiting speak through your brush and pen.
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all whiskers and blisters. I am more at home in myself than I have ever been. I am experiencing the most pleasure in my body than I ever have in my life. And I love my brain and what is does for me at this point my journey – and I am wildly in love and got married at 44 – so you know – this isn’t about all the stuff that happens when we age, but rather, noticing it as we go along, including all of it. And I cannot think of a better way to get that conscious than using Intentional Creativity in community with other women! YA BABY!
This may not be your cup of tea so to speak. But if you are still reading. Pause a a moment with me and ponder the questions below over a cup of tea….
Sending blessings from the Red Thread Cafe,
Inquiries into your own Beauty Myth
1. What parts of yourself have you left behind?
(wait, before you answer with your mind, let your body speak, who wants to talk first?)
2. What lies have you continued to tell yourself (since high school, no joke) that you no longer need? (just ask and see if something pops up)
3. What is the ‘story’ about the way you look that you have made up, that you really have no need for? (is it based on what you think others see in you?)
4. Is there a paradox at play in you regarding physical beauty and feeling beauty within?
(this is key to uncoiling the way beauty is held)
Go ahead. Let it unravel a bit. If we don’t begin to tell ourselves the truth about ourselves we remain coiled up from the unconscious. When we say the truth, no matter how – not pretty – it might be, it no longer has the same power over us and we can shift our orientation to the story.
Let’s bring this inquiry into our paintings and writings for further exploration.
For women in particular, there is a pattern of aging, maiden mother and crone. Well there are way more than that. Diva. Queen. Medicine Woman. Don’t be stuck between mother and crone or maiden and mother. There are lots of other choices out there. In here. Let’s call them out and invite them to the party.
For this week-long class, starting with a Livestream on July 8th, we’ll be symbolism, sensuality, organic personal painting strokes and catalytic inquiry to explore and discover.
I have also invited two guests, Dominique Peters and Mary McCrystal, who are Color of Woman Graduates and are experienced in the realm of sensuality and the body, to help us connect with that sensual place inside that might be lost or hidden from view and then to support you during the week.
While part of this class will be livestream, we will also be connecting and supporting you for a full week with daily writing prompts via vidoe, as well as support for your painting and personal process using an online private forum in the Red Thread Cafe Classroom.
Your painting will be symbolic to you, inspired by DIVA X. We will be using a large canvas to make room for unconstrained strokes, to uncoil stress and story patterns that are keeping you stuck and tight. We will send you a full materials list upon registration.
I can’t wait to share what is revealed by DIVA X with YOU! As it is continuing to be revealed, and as I continue to work with the material and paint it with you watching!
Here is my 46 birthday selfie. Facing her with love ;0 whiskers and all.
Whiskers or vibrissae (/vaɪˈbrɪsi/; singular: vibrissa; /vaɪˈbrɪsə/) are a type of mammalian hair that are typically characterised, anatomically, by their large size, large and well-innervated hair follicle and by having an identifiable representation in the somatosensory cortex of the brain. (wha?!)
Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.